Have you ever looked at a topic and thought, Huh? There are many who have given up on talking to me, despite all of the efforts, made from my side to reach them out, knowing I haven’t made time for myself, in the past couple of years, Yes; Years, I’ve been running on autopilot for the past couple of years, trying to manage everything, friends, family, relations, and, Business too…
But, never in all those years I’ve got a call, I’ve got a message, never got a reminder, never got nothing to prove that they worry about my being, (not my well-being🥲) SO, would I even ask those, from whom I’m a message away, to get into a conversation again, knowing all the efforts will be made from my side, and ultimately, it will be my fault to give up or end the conversation, because I didn’t carry it…
So, My answer to this one would be, “MYSELF”…
I would like to have a conversation, with myself, because I haven’t got the time, even after all of these years, I’ve made for myself tasks that I have to do on the regular, But, those are without any reward, or any benefit for myself (at present), but, this constant pressure to achieve, to do things without any fixed goal, or something that I can count on, And that too for G0d knows how many years, and for many more to come…
I’d love to sit down with myself, and have a conversation with myself on things that bug me, worry me, and things that bring relief, and one day I will, one day….
Cheers 🥂
Love Waakiye 🤍
On a lone road, yet again, again, on the same path that goes towards a place I call home…
But, what for, what is it that I do this all for? who do I do it all for? Is there something for me to gain, Is there something for me to learn, Is there something for me to become, become someone who will be there for everyone, take fall for everyone around, but, What about…..?
What about the person who became a support system, one who is there to provide an ear, listen to all your problems, Does, do his problems even matter…?
Or, he’s better off as support, bottling it all in, taking support of things that help him cope, the cup in this hand, a lit cigarette in other, as smoke rises, just like the problems, when he’s under…..
I’ve become a fan of the prompts these days, they ask such intricate questions with such precise clear-cut words, That it feels out of this world…
The reason it is so intricate for me is because, we are often told not to brings things so close to our hearts, that if one day you were to part (G0d forbid) from them, the pain won’t ever be enough, to take your life with itself…
The adamant rule of, (Dil par nahi lagaa’na or Dil par mat lena), Don’t take it on your heart (translations), has saved me G0d knows how many times, and it will till the end of me…
But, we are only human Afterall, aren’t we? we take things to our heart, and when time comes, it takes a piece of it (our heart), with it…
Coming back to the prompt, personal belongings that I hold dear, to myself, there are many that I hold with care and utmost importance, and they have a special place for me in my heart, that make me want to continue, whenever I feel like I’m falling off, or, about to…
One of them is a very old notebook, from my school days, where all of this took birth, the essence of Waakiye, or the birth of it, I often find myself scrolling through, some of the raw emotions that I wrote, when all of this wasn’t even in my wildest dreams, but, The urge and a want to express what roamed this vast land of my mind, it was there forever, and thanks to consistency of that child, and never stopping the scribbling, he turned into a person that loves to write, even if everything is going against, out of control…
Another one, is a collection of photos, that keeps me grounded.
Reminds me of something that I did, of irreversible nature, and the type of thing that haunts me some nights, but, it gives me a proof of something that we all fear,
“THE FEAR OF DEATH ITSELF…”
that thing ended a great suffering, and a time that we don’t wish on an enemy or their family, But, we went through, endured all the sufferings, and welcomed the future with open arms, even if we were broken, shattered from within, we still lived, lived to see the next day, day after that, and we will see this day too…
To better days and, things that remind you of who you were, and what shape you shall take tomorrow, an unknown reality welcomes you…
Cheers 🥂
Love Waakiye 🤍
In the distance I saw, I saw a being, a version of self, in a place that I could have been…
Being on the support of others, not able, notable of something like a madman, who lost it, lost it all…
There wasn’t any other option, but, to stand tall, be a shadow to those who were now dependent, and be a support system for those, who still don’t believe of the happening, and yet, here we are, enduring it yet again, this day, just like yesterday, like it happened yesterday, like a film all of it plays,
There are a few sentences that i live by, they aren’t necessarily quotes, but they’re self-drawn rules that I live by, Well, I think each and every one of us should have some, rules or something that helps you set, what is right or wrong, in a situation…
Quotes are those who are written by a writer and such, and when you are one in the making, what’s better than looking at something that you wrote, to keep yourself in check, during times that you thought would be the end of you…
The said quote(s)…
1)
THE FALL TAUGHT ME TO GET UP AND MOVE FORWARD,
IT DIDN’T TELL ME TO STOP AND SIT DOWN,
IT TOLD ME THE REASON FOR THE FALL,
AND I DIDN’T STOP LEARNING,
NOR I’M STOPPING,
DIDN’T STOP YESTERDAY,
WILL NOT STOP TODAY,
WONT STOP TOMORROW,
BECAUSE,
I DIDN’T STOP LEARNING…
★Didn’t stop learning★
2)
CAN’T CRASH OUT
CAN’T CRASH OUT
CAN’T CRASH OUT
CAN’T CRASH OUT
CAN’T CRASH OUT
CAN’T CRASH OUT
CAN’T CRASH OUT
CAN’T CRASH OUT
CAN’T CRASH OUT
CAN’T CRASH OUT
CAN’T CRASH OUT
CAN’T CRASH OUT
✅CAN THUG MY WAY OUT OF THIS ONE, SO
I WON’T CRASH OUT
These two are the ones I often check out, there are more but those are some other ideas, prompting some other feelings…
For the time being, you can read them, save them, make them your quotes too…
Cheers 🥂
Love Waakiye 🤍
This is exactly how it feels when some prompt like this comes in… (Ai generated image…)
Today’s prompt forced me into exploring my notes app and the pad that I carry on me, he|| even the conversations I’ve had with people up until this point…
It was and has been a fever dream of sorts, I’ve talked on human psychology (of all age),
I’ve talked about love, pretty vocal about two people meeting and some intimate scenes too, (I don’t know if they are safe to upload here…?)
I’ve talked about addiction (its consequences too…) and numerous stories about people finding true love, some about losing their better halves, and many losing their lives too…
There were many a things that shaped me into who i am today and i utilize them wholly even the little things that i see as I’m driving from or to work…
But all of this for a cause greater than life itself, to provide each and every one of you a version of life that’s unseen from a place that isn’t explored by many, even if we all have it, what we call our mind…
It is maybe due to meeting people from so many different fields, some being doctors, aspirants of government jobs, psychology students, teachers of high schools, businessman/women and many more that are skipping my mind…
All in, it has been a journey that is to be remembered forever, and it shall be with the type of influence I’ve got from these godsend people…
Cheers 🥂
Love Waakiye 🤍
This is the one place where I found myself, the essence of self, the being that I am today, there were a lot of problems that came within the path of reaching this place, but when I stood there, and took this picture the breathtaking view absorbing all of it in, it felt like I found a new love for the things the same things that existed back home…
Describe a positive thing a family member has done for you.
Hey,
I hope you all are doing well…!
This is a basic idea The relatives (from your extended family) are the absolute worst people because they pray for your downfall, just because you’re doing a bit better than them..
But,
There’s a cousin sister that I have; She has been an absolute blessing for me because she has been there for me at times when I couldn’t write or do anything..!
It was her who pushed me into this direction; to write to be expressive to read more books, To write random scribbles that come to my mind, I still have that old notebook with me where all of this began…
It was her in our family who pursued English honors and masters and has a good job educating students,
To be honest even I became a student of her’s in this way, and learnt a lot, She bought me G0d knows how many books some of which are still left unread, but all of this- Planting a seed of this writer belongs to her and the nurturing of it belongs to yours truly…
It has been quite a while that i sent her some of my work that i wrote these past few weeks sometimes i upload it on platforms other than this blog, but this is a place i can certainly call mine and be truly expressive without any boundaries;
And i really thank the powers involved and my curious mind for being on the toes and always ready to learn something new, just for the heck of it…
Cheers 🥂
Love Waakiye
A canvas blank this world is, the thoughts and ideas that exist beyond the horizons of our mind, always a quest to conquer, this ever going conquest called our life…
Theres a reason I don’t go without a face mask outside my house, I might not be popular in any way but I have a lot of people that recognize me from way back, and to be honest being disregarded for being myself for the last two years, I chose to cut everyone but two, they’re my brothers and i shall till the end of time be available for them because they were too…
This is something that happened 8 years back and i still remember it crystal clear as it happened just yesterday…
There was a program that was supposed to take place in our high school and being one of those who was supposed to be a part of the management (student board), it was mine and this one girl’s duty to manage the smooth flow of the entire program without any complications;
Tbh I have been the type of person who loves to work alone, that way I can control all the variables and get the work done faster than having to spend time discussing and waiting for a half-baked response that would have no base or wouldn’t even have any concrete base…
Thats the type of person i was back then still am…
It was the schedule of this program we were told four weeks in advance that it was supposed to take place, and we were to work however we could within the school provided budget, so there were these 3 weekends that were in between the date we were told it was supposed to take place thinking we had enough time i took it to myself to budget, thinking of equipment that we’d require and had to acquire and all the technical things…
During our lunch break a girl from the board visited me being from the other stream, on enquiring about what was needed she told me to come to the cafeteria area during the last period if it was free, coincidentally it was free as the teacher that we had was on leave during that time;
On finding her waiting, the cute face, cat eyed glasses, grey and white school dress, and simplistic watch on her left hand in which she held an apple which she was gnawing on every other minute;
Being the socially awkward person I was back then, I just came up to her and put my bag down in front of her, we exchanged greetings and i asked “if the was something that she needed from the cafeteria?”
On hearing my offer,she thought to herself a bottle of apple ocean would be nice…! I said okay and got up and went to the stall that had what we needed…
As i returned with two coffees and a bottle of electrolyte water, she was surprised of sorts, no-one brought her things she said on a whim, but she did thank me for it…
As we began discussing the plan, how and what we would need for the smooth flow of the plan, before any other thing could leave her mouth, I handed her the document requiring all of the stuff needed, all the people that we needed to contact and along with it their contact details, and minimum budget required for all of the things and with them the alternatives if the one mentioned weren’t available;
Reading the document of 10 pages and in awe of me she asked “if i knew this was supposed to take place weeks before because all of us were told yesterday only…?
Yeah i told her slyly as i already knew something like this was supposed to happen around this time watching it from last 3 years and all of our seniors butchered it ruthlessly…
So I prepared it weeks before and finalized it yesterday, … There was silence for a few minutes as she scanned the document, and in awe she looked at me the moments after as I had cracked open my cold coffee and began sipping it;
How…? How do you already have things ready on which we have to spend the next week and a half…? We have all that we want and need, for the entirety of the plan, all that remains is going to the places, negotiating and buying the things that are needed, which could be done over this weekend…!!!
How did you manage all of this that too all on your own…?
That’s how it has been from the past 1.5 years, I’ve given my very best and you know how smooth the fest has taken place the last year too…
Before coming to you, I submitted a copy to the president of the student board and the teacher in charge too…
Is there something else that you needed…?
NO, I mean yeah, I thought we’d spent time jotting down things needed and spend actual time buying and arranging all of the items and such…
That is something that can be left on the teachers and upper management, the final negotiation and things are to be approved by them only..!
I pushed the other coffee that I bought towards her and as she opened it her face sulking as she took a sip out of it…
Having zero clue what has happened and what was supposed to happen, as the last bell rang, marking the day to be over…
I started to pack my things, As I told her, “there’s an afternoon class that I am supposed to take, and if i didn’t leave within 10 minutes I’d be late to that…”
Having no clue what has happened, she also packed her bag and started to stand up and walk towards the gate with me…
And on reaching outside the gate, my path went to the left and Her’s to the right,
In a low voice she hummed, “If you wouldn’t have done all of that we could spend the weekend discussing and planning all of it over the weekend at each other’s place or some cafe…”
HUH?, I asked, is there something that you’d like to add or remove from the list, maybe we can discuss it over call or something…?
Her mind running haywire that her plans were spoiled, She ignored my last line.. (My mind thinking she was trying to leech off my work just by being seen with me working on something…)
As we parted ways, She began walking down her and I went down mine, She met one of her friends and I met one of mine, Looking back at each other our eyes met…
NEVER TO MEET AGAIN..
(How stupid it was of me…)
Cheers🥂 (To the fool I was back then…)
………….
“Ever had a moment like this , when you realized something too late? Drop a comment, I’d love to hear your version of what could’ve been.“
Love Waakiye
This is exactly how I walked my way back home that day and whenever I remember how much I fumbled back then….
Hey, how are you guys doing? i hope all of you are doing well…
Do you ever wonder why we feel an urge to unwind, why are we so overworked, why do we feel dead when we return home, indulge in some vices, eat and then fall asleep…?
Thats what the essence of us humans have been reduced to..?
I’m talking from experience I get up around 7 and do my morning routine, and when i look up its around time to leave for work, tripping over things in a rush i get ready and leave for work, where i endlessly tire myself for 10+ hours 6 days a week…
I mean if that’s what i have to do to earn my keep i shall do it till the end of time or the end of me…
But, the unwinding from the day’s stresses has a lot of meaning for me, somedays i just open a bottle of liquor, somedays its just me taking a scenic route back home, somedays its just having a cup of tea/coffee from the place that i am a frequent of, somedays i just talk to my friend and make plans for the day off that coincides with our plans, somedays i just watch come serial/movie that piques my interest, somedays it’s just taking pictures of things that bring peace to me..
Somedays it just me rotting in bed scrolling through a bunch of apps endlessly like the life that i live in, and that brings me no happiness at all, it’s something that i do till my eyes shut down on their own…
You know proper unwinding is only when you feel refreshed from the last day’s chaos, but that hasn’t happened in so long that it feels like a foreign concept, nothing that I could ever achieve…
To the life that is remaining which shall be spent chasing things that bring peace…
Cheers 🥂
An image that exists on a day that was so tiring that it almost took my life, as I was driving back home I saw these exact colors and hues, so I stopped and took a pic to remember this day and end it on a higher note…
What experiences in life helped you grow the most?
There are many things that have helped me, in a way to shape the being that I am today…
I’ve had my trust betrayed by those whom I considered mine, actually too close to me and when I caught them in the act, they brushed it off like there wasn’t something to begin with, even after all of the chaos, they came back to me and told me that what they said was in the heat of the moment and they didn’t mean it..
But I told them anger brought out what they really thought about me and my place in their life…
So slowly I drifted away from their lives…
Occasionally I see them from afar,
And when our eyes meet,
There’s a sense of consideration that I see in them,
But,
That phase has long gone so we cross our paths like we are strangers while still acknowledging our past,
Even if there’s no one, you’ll always have yourself, There’s always someone who will look at you and admire you, the type of person you are, the choices you make, even if they feel they are not beneficial at present, they shall be in the near future, I know that, but, the world needs to know that too…
I know you walk alone on paths, because you still remember, how hard it was to bring yourself up, when nothing was going right, when you lost the entire world, that Wednesday, early morning, when the entire world was dead asleep, you know you lost yourself, you lost something that mattered to you, and was there someone who had your back, was there someone who patted your back, was there someone who took you in their embrace…?
That’s why…
There isn’t going to be anyone, and therefore, there shall be a place for no-one…
(That’s really cruel to anyone who tries to come near you with the right intentions…)
Waakiye 