Is there an age or year of your life you would re-live?
Hi…
I hope all of you are doing well…
(I hope Halloween went for all those who celebrated..)
I’d love to live a specific age in my life once again, well tbh I’m not that old yet but there’s an age which I’d like to return once and live my life to the fullest…
It would be my childhood i.e. the age when I was between 6 years to 12 years, because I see people remember their childhood,
but I really have no clue as to what my childhood was or what were my quirks or things that I used to do…
I’ve seen people remember their childhood with photos and memories, but it’s all a hazy flashbacks for me, every once in a while someone will ask how my childhood was and I’d remember bits and pieces of it nothing more ;(
I know it might feel sad to hear, but when you actively fight for survival after being the sole earner, things tend to fall apart real soon…
Every once in a while someone in my family will say do you remember that (A core memory from my childhood)..?
I’d shake my head and agree with them even if they lie through their teeth, because I have little to no recollection of what happened back then…
It’s sad and disappointing but that’s how it is for me, so I’d like to live my childhood once again…
Cheers (To some dreams that might come true in the near future) 🥂
There’s so much fascinating things that happened in our past that piques my interest, but if I were to point out a single one of them it would definitely be partition of my country INDIA…
Aftermath of that are still faced to this day, I’ve seen people without purpose and reason just existing on this side and on the other side too, sometimes all one does is question themselves are they born on the right side…?
Being from a family whose ancestors travelled from what is now Pakistan and settled here in India a sense of love and friendship still exists somewhere in this heart of ours, even though a lot of bloodshed happened in retaliation of which we also picked arms and caused harm of equal or more intensity…
Imagine leaving your friends, your ancestral home, your neighbours, your world behind and travelling beyond the line that was etched onto a map and now enforced by setting up boundaries and on it army personnel letting you pass only after checking…
It was chaos, there was so much loss and the place that my ancestors settled was covered in grass that was as high as knees length which contained mutilated body parts of the people who resided here before us who became victim of the violence that took place which uprooted them from the very place that they settled in to raise their young ones…
It was such a horrific incident that the survivors still tell us the tales of the horrors they saw from their very two eyes and all of it plays in their mind like it happened last night…
A truly horrible happening that shaped our very core, fascinating all those who decide to step into this thought of process and try to feel how they must have endured it all…
One of the most memorable vacations that I ever went to spanned across two weeks…
The struggles…
It was a plan that was being put on hold for two years, and eventually, we (my friend, one of his friends and myself), got fed up with things not matching, someday it was just dates not aligning, vacation days for some, for some it was a family emergency, others were just struggling to make time from their schedule…
Impulsive acts…
So, the week before Christmas, we decided to just go along, and started to make payments in advance, to the travel guide, to the homestay, and a few days when all others bailed on us, I took my cousin with me, and my sister to the trip, so in total I booked the ticket for the 4 of us to reach the nearest state through train, from where the route was halved, and my cousin brother picked us from a railway station in Haryana, along with the taxi driver in his hatchback…
Our arrival at our destination..
The trip was complicated and messy, around six hours later we reached, but, we were a total mess, all of us throwing up, as we weren’t accustomed to the change in the atmosphere and the environment, as we climbed what seemed like an infinite flight of stairs, praying to the Almighty, holding our stomachs in pain, we finally found ourselves a place to sit outside, and wait till they cleaned the homestay…
On seeing the place where we were supposed to sit and rest it brought tears to our eyes, as we picked out spots in the room, and opened our bags and went to shower and later eat something to replenish our lost energy after throwing up, and after eating out fill, we went out for a stroll, watching the sunset, snacking on our way back, and grabbing a few bottles to drink as we came back to our homestay, and we lit a bonfire and took our solo cups and smashed 1.5 bottles within us 4 (one sober guy)..
Things We did for fun..
We went to sightseeing, climbed a hill, did adventure sports like ziplining, ice-skating (during which I took so many falls and ended up with bruises), playing in ice (My first time seeing real ice), visited a temple, and returned back to the homestay in the evening, the running waterfall was the best thing to ever see, as we took a bath and came back shivering…
Last day…
The day of our return was the saddest, as the night before we emptied all our bottles and got piss drunk and all of us fell dead asleep, on waking I saw my first snowfall, a very real event that I haven’t seen before, bringing me to tears, as we were packing to leave, we took some of the stuff that was popular in the area as a parting away gift, and a bundle of memories to remember them by…
One of the most memorable of my vacations, that I ever took, flashbacks till this day…
I hope the weekend is going well, and you wake up well rested, this morning and don’t have the buzz from the last night…
The oldest thing that I own and use… It will be one of my oldest devices that i still use to this day, the trusty Samsung S7 edge, its been used ruggedly ever since it came into my hand, in the late 2016…
It’s been something that I’ve cherished, loved and bought with real passion and discussion with those in my surroundings, and when I got it in my hand, it felt like I held a cherished treasure, for which I worked really hard, (Well not really…), but, it was one such passion that I had, and it was the one thing that was with me, Everywhere I went, and whenever I needed it was there for me…
That was the one device where all of this started, like, my writing, all of my beginnings are a part of that device, where I started all of this from scratch, and all of it is a journey from nothing to something to whatever I am today…
With that being said, it’s still with me, and on it I am playing the tracks that I love through a speaker, which brings out fresh feelings as this harsh sunny morning curses us…
Cheers 🥂
Love Waakiye 🤍
After spending night, with adequate and sleepless, I found, my cherished phone to be my partner…
Through thick and thin, the ups and downs, welcoming a new member, And a few of them passing away, it was always there with me…
The first crush and its addressing of my feelings the cues that I saved on my phone, became the helping hand for me, as I flipped it, to see what I had to say as my words fumbled…
But, that same became a helping hand when I was, When I was all alone, within this world, within this mind I was trapped, without a single clue, as I prepared a document, citing my untimely end, and how it was no-one’s blame, or everyone’s but mine, and now when I look at it, a sensible chuckle stays on this face…
You’re not gonna believe that I was curled up in my bed, thinking as the clock stuck 00:00 hours, I should read something before going to sleep, (Trying to induce a habit of reading..) As I picked a book from my collection, it was either Khalil Gibran’s collection, or, it was metamorphosis by Kafka which I bought, the night before i.e. Sunday night from a roadside book seller…
Before I could even focus my eyes on the words written on the first page of metamorphosis, It felt blurry, remembering little, the character turned into bug, there was a description, how he looked at himself, who he was, looking at the picture he hung that he cut out of the magazine…
that’s all I could remember, the first page that to barely, I thought to myself, is this the same mind that read pages upon pages during its prime…?
As I put the book in its place, a wall mounted drawer, and tried to fall asleep, but, I couldn’t, I was using 3 devices simultaneously before, my phone checking the messages, getting updates from a brother who’s fighting an addiction, and doing a splendid job keeping at it, Another one, who just came back from giving a competitive exam, and has had a long day, requiring a full day’s sleep to be in working condition again, another one who opened a new office and is dying from traveling as the commute has added 3 hours which he has to steal from these 24 hours…
My laptop for penning down my thoughts and ideas, in the WordPress app, as a few ideas flew by me, one of which I explored last night, and wrote a prose in a language commonly spoken here, about a girl who is held in boundations, and isn’t welcomed by her maternal home, in a setting that is absolutely heartbreaking….
My wireless sound bar, which played one of the favorite playlists that has songs from Panjabi culture, some Hindi songs and Gazals or a collection of old poetry, which brought me immense joy, and every once in a while, a new song would pop in and I’d have to change it, and remove it from my playlist…
Surrounded by these things, I thought of a life before all of this, these devices, these apps, these screens and, it took me back to a time when we had those buttoned phones and nothing more…
I remember, getting bored of playing snake game and then going out to play with my friends in the colony we grew up in, we used to run after each other, play hide and seek, hopscotch because we had these sandstone blocks outside our home, which would make it way easier to prepare and play around, but, those memories were blemishing, maybe I forgot some of it…
We used to wake up early, watch our grandparents light an incense stick in prayer room, after then watching them read the newspaper on the rocking chair, sipping on their piping hot tea, occasionally taking a bite of biscuit or rusk that was kept right next to their cup and saucer…
I remember rushing to take a bath, after that hurriedly chomping down breakfast, it was something light like poha, or a paratha (Indian flatbread with filling), something that we all loved, after that going to school where we used to enjoy our friendship, meeting those who we liked from the bottom of our hearts, some crushes, some whom we adored, and found cute…
Our parents went to their work, father returning home late around 8 or 9, mother returning home early and preparing evening snacks for us kids, and preparing dinner for the people in the house, and finally getting back to bed, late around 11 pm or 23:00 hours…
Occasionally going out to buy sweets like jalebis, or something, never missing the night walk, staring at the starry sky and the moon, as we used to walk back home, tiredness kicking in as soon as we reached home, and falling asleep under, the rotating fan and occasional cooler blowing cold air which turned into hot after it ran out of water, and then replacing it with new water after cleaning it to remove the foul smell…
The respect that we held for our elders and the stories that we heard from their own mouth, that too very keenly, shaping our beliefs and moral compasses, without many distractions, we were able to focus better; and having a genuine relationship because of face-to-face conversations, and learning about our culture and heritage from the word of mouth, rather than having to search google or YouTube just like these…
A time to remember and cherish it was…
Cheers 🥂
Love Waakiye 🤍
Those were the good days, we keep on telling ourselves, as the generation that grew up playing outside, before the technological advancement that made our lives, Easier yet more chaos filled…
Remembering, crying to our parents to play outside, our eyes feel watery this day too, But, seeing the roads empty, break our heart shattering them into little pieces, a history of fun gone, replaced by technology…
That crying before going to school, and the tiredness that surrounded afterwords, that sleeping after coming home, or those time spent, during exam period, cramming everything into this little brain of ours…
Then pouring it all into these exam papers, but, remembering those times brings nostalgia, that keeps us from forgetting those good times…
Going out with our parents after they returned home from work, grabbing ice cream as they talked to each other, worries about our well-being, our school life, and their personal life too, remembering them talking to each other we used to feel happy, that we were blessed with such caring and worried parents,
The prompt of this dame really made me think, And, I think there would be a variety of answers that all of you would be seeing, most of them would include a piece of clothing that they would cherish or own from a long time that would have seen better days but, not being your usual writer, I know what all of you are in here for…
How would you feel if i said the oldest thing I’m wearing is, “MY SKIN”…
I do owe all of you an explanation, Skin, MY thick skin being one of those things, the one which has been with me from the very beginning of my essence, no fabric, no piece of cloth could ever match what my skin has felt through the years…
Even though it renews itself every month and a half, it holds memories that still stay with me to this day, The Scars, The heat of the Sun, a special someone’s touch, the test of time— all of them leave a mark. It’s been my shield, a blank canvas that I was born with, a story that I am writing as each day progresses…
THIS body of mine holds a tactile archive, a memory through sensations that only I remember, Even if the world forgets, I remember the weight of denim, the scratch of wool, the comfort of cotton on a tired day, the itchiness of a cloth I’m not well suited to, the rash that burned, and caused me pain, the time I fell from my two-wheeler and blood that oozed out of my skin, I remember it clearly as yesterday, each and every moment clearly…
Sometimes this body remembers what the mind isn’t sure of;
A warmth in the chest, A phantom touch on the cheek, A comfort that feels real, even if the facts are blurry…
What matters is that it helped me keep breathing, the memories that this mind often forgets, they stay on this skin, whenever, someone crosses me, a familiar scent, an accidental touch (for which I apologize) it sets into action a string of memories hidden deep within me, of which this mind has either forgotten, or, suppressed to make place for other ones…
But, there’s something that I tell myself,
You’re here, Still breathing, Still remembering, And that’s not nothing…
Just like a chain that you forget that is wrapped around your neck, after wearing it for a long time, the body adapts to it, and when accidently it gets stuck in a piece of cloth, you remember an existence of it;
That chain becomes like a quiet truth: Something can be with me always, even if I forget it’s there…
And maybe that’s how grief feels. Or love, Or pain, Or memories, or existence of it…;
Worn so long against the skin that One stops feeling it, until one small movement brings it back into view, glinting with the light of something lost but never fully gone…
Here’s to reliving all those memories after reading this one, also play with your chain or a mala of thread or beads that exist around your neck or your wrist…
Cheers 🥂
Love Waakiye 🤍
With these memories that we once considered precious, made a promise to never forget them, They blurred without a trace from this mind….
But does this mean We’ve forgotten, Does this mean we’ve given up, Of Course, not.
Their existence continues to thrive, in a way we speak, the choices that we make, the softness that takes a front when we see someone hurting, or the hardness that makes us stand on someone’s way if it means it will save someone…
Been through things tough and extremely challenging ones, we’ve learned to carry weight, to protect ourselves. we’ve built something around our softness, not to hide it, but to survive, maybe try to thrive in it…
There are a few sentences that i live by, they aren’t necessarily quotes, but they’re self-drawn rules that I live by, Well, I think each and every one of us should have some, rules or something that helps you set, what is right or wrong, in a situation…
Quotes are those who are written by a writer and such, and when you are one in the making, what’s better than looking at something that you wrote, to keep yourself in check, during times that you thought would be the end of you…
The said quote(s)…
1)
THE FALL TAUGHT ME TO GET UP AND MOVE FORWARD,
IT DIDN’T TELL ME TO STOP AND SIT DOWN,
IT TOLD ME THE REASON FOR THE FALL,
AND I DIDN’T STOP LEARNING,
NOR I’M STOPPING,
DIDN’T STOP YESTERDAY,
WILL NOT STOP TODAY,
WONT STOP TOMORROW,
BECAUSE,
I DIDN’T STOP LEARNING…
★Didn’t stop learning★
2)
CAN’T CRASH OUT
CAN’T CRASH OUT
CAN’T CRASH OUT
CAN’T CRASH OUT
CAN’T CRASH OUT
CAN’T CRASH OUT
CAN’T CRASH OUT
CAN’T CRASH OUT
CAN’T CRASH OUT
CAN’T CRASH OUT
CAN’T CRASH OUT
CAN’T CRASH OUT
✅CAN THUG MY WAY OUT OF THIS ONE, SO
I WON’T CRASH OUT
These two are the ones I often check out, there are more but those are some other ideas, prompting some other feelings…
For the time being, you can read them, save them, make them your quotes too…
Cheers 🥂
Love Waakiye 🤍
This is exactly how it feels when some prompt like this comes in… (Ai generated image…)
Even though I’m quite a reserved person, there are some things that give birth to nervousness within me….
Being the person that I am, I’m not that open to new experiences and if I want to experience new ones, it feels like my mind already has planned all of the outcomes even before I am to undergo the “Said” experience…
For example;
I once went to a theatrical play and I was running late, I had a fixed seat which I booked a few weeks in advance.
On reaching there a little late, the host had already opened with the introductions.
…….
As I entered and looked for my seat and saw someone else sitting in mine, on telling them this was my seat,
He told me he had a seat in the middle somewhere which he booked outside the hall, can I take that one..?
On telling him that I couldn’t because I booked this seat weeks prior and I will sit here;
Nervousness creeped in as he didn’t get up even after asking politely, and after that in a stern voice, after a few moments the staff came in as he stated to raise his voice against me.
Knowing this was a public place, and they reserved the right for our admission, as I showed them the ticket and he was politely told to go to his seat, which he refused.
On pausing the play for a moment all the lights were lit, and the said person was told to move to his seat or to be escorted out of the venue by security.
The smug look on his face now wiped clean as he murmured something in his mouth and squeezed himself to his seat in the middle..
That thing made me quite nervous.
But thankfully I booked in advance and the staff were really helpful…!
Overall, A good day that was.
Apart from me losing my sh|t there.
Cheers 🥂
Love Waakiye
The first pic I took as I reached the destination after transversing through roads that were small and had a great abyss on the other side; the hazy memories of those times stay just like these pictures in my mind!!!
Theres a reason I don’t go without a face mask outside my house, I might not be popular in any way but I have a lot of people that recognize me from way back, and to be honest being disregarded for being myself for the last two years, I chose to cut everyone but two, they’re my brothers and i shall till the end of time be available for them because they were too…
This is something that happened 8 years back and i still remember it crystal clear as it happened just yesterday…
There was a program that was supposed to take place in our high school and being one of those who was supposed to be a part of the management (student board), it was mine and this one girl’s duty to manage the smooth flow of the entire program without any complications;
Tbh I have been the type of person who loves to work alone, that way I can control all the variables and get the work done faster than having to spend time discussing and waiting for a half-baked response that would have no base or wouldn’t even have any concrete base…
Thats the type of person i was back then still am…
It was the schedule of this program we were told four weeks in advance that it was supposed to take place, and we were to work however we could within the school provided budget, so there were these 3 weekends that were in between the date we were told it was supposed to take place thinking we had enough time i took it to myself to budget, thinking of equipment that we’d require and had to acquire and all the technical things…
During our lunch break a girl from the board visited me being from the other stream, on enquiring about what was needed she told me to come to the cafeteria area during the last period if it was free, coincidentally it was free as the teacher that we had was on leave during that time;
On finding her waiting, the cute face, cat eyed glasses, grey and white school dress, and simplistic watch on her left hand in which she held an apple which she was gnawing on every other minute;
Being the socially awkward person I was back then, I just came up to her and put my bag down in front of her, we exchanged greetings and i asked “if the was something that she needed from the cafeteria?”
On hearing my offer,she thought to herself a bottle of apple ocean would be nice…! I said okay and got up and went to the stall that had what we needed…
As i returned with two coffees and a bottle of electrolyte water, she was surprised of sorts, no-one brought her things she said on a whim, but she did thank me for it…
As we began discussing the plan, how and what we would need for the smooth flow of the plan, before any other thing could leave her mouth, I handed her the document requiring all of the stuff needed, all the people that we needed to contact and along with it their contact details, and minimum budget required for all of the things and with them the alternatives if the one mentioned weren’t available;
Reading the document of 10 pages and in awe of me she asked “if i knew this was supposed to take place weeks before because all of us were told yesterday only…?
Yeah i told her slyly as i already knew something like this was supposed to happen around this time watching it from last 3 years and all of our seniors butchered it ruthlessly…
So I prepared it weeks before and finalized it yesterday, … There was silence for a few minutes as she scanned the document, and in awe she looked at me the moments after as I had cracked open my cold coffee and began sipping it;
How…? How do you already have things ready on which we have to spend the next week and a half…? We have all that we want and need, for the entirety of the plan, all that remains is going to the places, negotiating and buying the things that are needed, which could be done over this weekend…!!!
How did you manage all of this that too all on your own…?
That’s how it has been from the past 1.5 years, I’ve given my very best and you know how smooth the fest has taken place the last year too…
Before coming to you, I submitted a copy to the president of the student board and the teacher in charge too…
Is there something else that you needed…?
NO, I mean yeah, I thought we’d spent time jotting down things needed and spend actual time buying and arranging all of the items and such…
That is something that can be left on the teachers and upper management, the final negotiation and things are to be approved by them only..!
I pushed the other coffee that I bought towards her and as she opened it her face sulking as she took a sip out of it…
Having zero clue what has happened and what was supposed to happen, as the last bell rang, marking the day to be over…
I started to pack my things, As I told her, “there’s an afternoon class that I am supposed to take, and if i didn’t leave within 10 minutes I’d be late to that…”
Having no clue what has happened, she also packed her bag and started to stand up and walk towards the gate with me…
And on reaching outside the gate, my path went to the left and Her’s to the right,
In a low voice she hummed, “If you wouldn’t have done all of that we could spend the weekend discussing and planning all of it over the weekend at each other’s place or some cafe…”
HUH?, I asked, is there something that you’d like to add or remove from the list, maybe we can discuss it over call or something…?
Her mind running haywire that her plans were spoiled, She ignored my last line.. (My mind thinking she was trying to leech off my work just by being seen with me working on something…)
As we parted ways, She began walking down her and I went down mine, She met one of her friends and I met one of mine, Looking back at each other our eyes met…
NEVER TO MEET AGAIN..
(How stupid it was of me…)
Cheers🥂 (To the fool I was back then…)
………….
“Ever had a moment like this , when you realized something too late? Drop a comment, I’d love to hear your version of what could’ve been.“
Love Waakiye
This is exactly how I walked my way back home that day and whenever I remember how much I fumbled back then….
Waakiye 