Why Each Day Feels Like a Lie

Hey…

I hope all of you are doing well…

The prompt of this day made me realize,
as it gave me a chance to look back at what sorts of things,
I’ve taken just because,
also,
Taken them up on the face value,
thinking it was for a betterment of a figure bigger than me,
but,
all of that turned out to be false,
when it came to my realization,
that i was just a stepping stone…

I’ve summed up in a single post a part of my life,
how I used to live,
telling myself lie after lie,
and how i made an ultimate sacrifice of losing myself,
my life for a place that doesn’t give 2 F’s about me,
my life or my well-being…

Every waking moment,
just as I woke up,
It felt like,
A sacrifice was made;

A lie,
I started with a lie,
“That this day shall be a good one…!”
“This day will be a good one”
“I will give my 100% and I will make the best out of the day…”
will this day be a good one?
I used to ask myself…

As the day began,
the morning coffee,
which I brutally messed up,
I told myself another lie,
“It happens,
it’s easy to mess up,
It’s easy to mess a CUP OF COFFEE…..?
is it easy to mess up a cup of coffee?
I used to ask myself…

As i got late,
yet again,
because I forgot myself within my thoughts while taking a shower,
and i hurriedly didn’t take breakfast,
I asked myself,
“Was it worth it,
to spend time thinking instead of leaving for work early…?
was it worth it to be trapped in traffic for the 20 minutes which could have been avoided,
if you didn’t think,
if you could have just taken a shower and left for work,
But,
Oh no you couldn’t,
so now you’re stuck in traffic,
STAY STUCK IN IT….
was it my fault to be stuck in traffic?
I used to ask myself…

Now the boss won’t leave you alone,
you forgot the mail that you were supposed to send yesterday evening,
you heard an earful,
but you couldn’t say anything,
“You knew you were at the wrong here,
You made a reminder but forgot as you reached home,
because you lay flat and woke up late at night to change and hit the bed yet again without eating…!”
was it my fault i reached home late or i was overworked?
I used to ask myself…

The entire afternoon,
i spent working on things that were the part of yesterdays,
and had to work all alone on the project that was a part of someone else’s job just because they were full of work already…
Couldn’t eat lunch so I got another coffee,
as the day came to an end,
I started what work I was assigned this morning,
it got late,
as clock hit 9,
It was a reminder to leave office and head back home,
“Was I in the wrong here,
because i didn’t take anything home today,
but,
i was asked to update this day’s work tomorrow morning,
so,
i had to take work home…”
why did i have to take work home…?
I used to ask myself…

On reaching home around 10 pm,
having no energy to cook anything,
I ordered some takeaway,
to be delivered under an hour,
I looked in horror as dinner would arrive at 11.
on canceling the order and making something like rice and eggs at the place i call home,
I took a seat at the desk,
and began the work,
before I could look up,
it was 1 am,
saving it I closed my device and hit the bed,
I wish I could have done this yesterday,
Or the day before,
Or the day before that,
Or the day before that,
I used to ask myself…

An ultimate sacrifice that I made,
was giving a place my years,
when all in return I got were literal peanuts,
and trauma that still haunts me this day,
Just like I am up this morning,
time being 4:32 AM IST,
I remember when I used to curse myself for bringing this life upon myself…

But those days are gone now,
And I really wish from the bottom of my heart a well life for those who are employed there or starting work there…

Cheers 🥂

Love Waakiye 🤍