How Writing Transformed My Self-Perception

Hey…

I hope all of you are doing well…!

I woke up late and I saw this prompt,
and thought to myself,
“Am I good at something…?”…
And I stared at the rotating fan,
for an hour thinking of inducing a thought…

Am I a good daughter/son to my mother…?
Am I a good aunt/uncle to the kids that surround me…?
Am I a good sister/brother to those who are around me…?
Am I a good friend to those who call me theirs…?
Am I even a good person,
or people around me just tolerate me…?
Am I…..?

The reality blemished when I realized that I’m ruthless,
when it comes to myself ,
I don’t give myself a chance,
I keep myself in well bound time,
meticulously planning each and every moment,
prioritizing time,
but making none for myself…

I took up art as a kid and left it in the middle,
I picked up table tennis, basketball, badminton and gave up all of them in the middle,
I won’t say that I got good at them,
but,
just gave up before I could or I met an invisible boundary that made it impossible for me as a non-earning kid to overcome…

Before I could even grab what was happening,
I was pushed into work,
because I wasn’t good in anything,
where I tired myself day and night,
so much so,
that I wouldn’t have enough time to think about anything,
my liking,
my interests,
my own personal opinions and choices,
No time to think about things that could broaden my horizon,
my thought process,
so I spent a couple of years just looking at things from a perspective,
that a lifeless soulless being,
and kept my head down…
UNTIL…

Until I found this penmanship,
and took it to myself to make it better,
and a sole goal in my life to be good at something,
something that I liked,
loved,
and wished to be a big part of my life,
and I honed it,
like my life depended on it,
and kept on doing this,
making little time here and there,
scribbling in my notes app,
or my trusted partner,
pen and a notepad in which I wrote my raw thoughts and,
thought on them,
hours upon hours until,
I felt satisfied that my thought process has evolved,
but,
that too didn’t feel enough…

So,
That’s what I exactly did,
for a few seconds,
turning into minutes,
those turning into hours,
hours into days,
days into weeks,
weeks into months,
and months into years…

Take a wild guess how long it has been now,
that I’m writing this,
and I shall correct you in the comments box….

Cheers 🥂

Love Waakiye 🤍