Category: Reflections

They don’t talk about the addiction—
how it kills them,
their will to live too…!

They don’t talk about waking up at 3 in the morning,
when everyone around them is asleep,
—-

They wake up contemplating in their mind the niche they plan on exploring,
searching links that they saved,
maybe a suggestive reel online,
or somewhat of a revealing one that’s pushes them over the edge…!

——

They find themselves submitting to theses urges and complying each time to whatever the mind wants them to do,
Not thinking it will be the one who will be the one spilling all the hate later…!

——

They find themselves on their beds,
or on the can,
or in the shower,
trying not to think about committing the act,
but they often loose the battle;

And when that happens,
it brings them immense shame,
Which comes bundled with hatred,
a lack of empathy for self
And a loss of respect for not being able to even think in a positive sense,
much less sparking a change…!

——

Before committing the act,
it’s like they are neutral in a sense,
Until they feel the urge to do the deed,
it’s due to one of these readily available media that comes at their disposal,
maybe Instagram reels or TikToks that are suggestive,
and those clips make them think about the person behind their screen in a certain way,
which is far from normal…!

The corrupted thought to violate them and those ideas are sent to them on a platter by their mind…!

Later,
They feel a certain way about them,
bundled with disgust,
and hatred towards the person who they saw on the screen or imagined in their mind…

Blocking them,
or telling the ai,
not to recommend them,
and,
If one of them slips though the cracks,
the same cycle repeats itself…!

———

Sometimes,
they wake up at three,
contemplating a thought——

Knowing they will have guests over later,
and won’t get any time free from
them;

So,
their mind improvises on its own,
it tells them to get up——

Get up at an odd hour,
and look at them without letting anyone know about it,
And after being in a confined place like-
their room,
Their brain tells them to get off because it will be impossible later…!

And that’s how they spend their early morning,
finding the right clip,
and,
imagining themselves in the place of the person in the clip and make their mind feel the same,
and once the act is over,
they cry,
cry at their sad miserable selves,
knowing they are neck deep into this problem that shaves at their consciousness…!

They try to talk to their G0d,
asking for help as to get away with this way of thinking,

asking for forgiveness as soon as they are done watching it,

asking for a blessing that might come and save them from this problem that takes their will to survive away;

But,
nothing of sorts happens;
and,
The utter amount of shame kills them.
And,
when they try to open up to the people they trust——
They are made fun of,
and,
they never speak about it ever again…!

Well,
they’re made fun of about it because that sort of things breeds within that group,
maybe all of them are going through it,
maybe,
all of them are in the same boat fighting the same reality

and for them,
joking about it,
or making fun of someone who is in the same boat is the way to get out of the problem…!

A problem,
That breeds like an infestation,
overtakes their complete will,
and leaves them hanging like a dead man…!

A fight,
they keep on losing and re-fighting,
until—
they erode the version they were and this person who is no longer a real one in their own vision,
Who tries to slither and make their way,
often failing more,
and fighting even more,
each day…!

Fin

Love Waakiye 🤍