I have, and I can’t get enough of it ever, there are times so hard at moments, where I can’t face the world, But, music was, and all I could do was wrap myself around in its comfort…
There are moments, some dreadful, some joyous, that make up the part of my daily schedule, and living through them becomes a pain, but, a music makes the passing of time easier, by shifting the focus of the stresses off of me, by helping me calm down, and with a calm mind i can look at problems differently, from various perspectives and find an optimal solution, just with the help of music…
I listen to music to feel the emotions that I can’t feel, haven’t felt in a long time, like, there are some tunes spark a sense of intense longing or missing a person from the bottom of our heart, but, that too has its benefits, reminding us of our past and mistakes that have been made, to not repeat it ever again…
During some joyous, extremely happy times like marriage of close relatives, or even enjoying night out with my friends, i have found music to be our partner, to enjoy happy moments, and during it, deepened our bond with each other, finding things that we listen to by sharing them with each other…
I am really grateful for music to exist in the same timeline as me, to which I’ve fallen in love with from the bottom of my heart…
Cheers 🥂
Love Waakiye 🤍
A journey that we tread on, finding things that comfort us, on a path that we set, for ourselves to walk on…
In a dimly lit scene, as these words paint a picture vivid, enough to escape the real one, and live in it;
But, the reality often inescapable, forces us to return, cage our being, our essence, by catching us as we flee…
As we use methods to escape, or feel something, sparking a change, sometimes an inspiration to be a better version of self, or to be a better human overall, and, with that, comes a sense of belief, that it was made for us, a gift from gods, a hymn or a verse, that detaches us, cuts our worries short…
Every breath taken, in a sense, to last longer, than the last…
The pain, like a slow working poison, hurting as its traveling to parts different, and eats from within the being…
A sense of doom, looms over the person, a fear that haunts, reminding, of the change in dynamics, of the responsibilities that were shed, once she was given from a home, to a house, unknown…
Numerous calls, a wish to return, A wish to see the faces of those remaining, BUT, A strict no, stood in the way, As she breathed, drank, dabbed herself in poison, each day, until the blue, overcame her, and there she lay, in a cloth pure white, a call was made…
A call was made, that carefree father’s laughter, turned into nightmare, as tears started to fall, the drive was painful, The words barely leaving, As they saw, their daughter, or what remained of her, in a cloth, PURE WHITE…
Wishing a conversation, a last one, but, unaware of the fact, they themselves closed that gate shut….!
Exceptional work on getting this day’s prompt too, the type of jobs I’ve had…
It might seem like i am a person who has done a lot in my life, in a sense that these words or the type of person they portray me to be, but, in the contrary, the type of job that i’m currently involved in had no relation to the type of career path i chose in my high school or my bachelors…
I’ve worked the same job and picked up various tasks, starting as a helper, picking up scraps and filling up coolant water, and cutting huge quantities of material, often returning home covered in soot and a layer of metal dust and sweat due to long shifts without breaks, to operating machines big and small, by learning the basics and now doing tricky processes on my own, currently, grinding things to their sizes within the specified tolerances, and giving them to the customers, Also, face to face customer dealing from day 1…
The type of field that I’m currently in, has unlimited potential for growth, But, it doesn’t have the matching pay to it, you can have all the skills, quote what you are deserving of, but, a helper or someone who will be taught will be a replacement of you within a few days, i.e. no sense of job security…
Being from a commerce background, I started with a blank slate, with limited knowledge, of the field, but, the sheer dedication, and focus that i put in, (not being able to find any other at the time), i picked up the family business and have taken it upwards only…
Didn’t work many jobs, but a range of jobs within one to develop skills that can be used in many places, and, I’m grateful for that…
Cheers 🥂
Love Waakiye🤍
Often, I find myself, sitting, pondering, wondering, if the work i did today mattered…?
Did it matter that i woke up, set that early alarm, woke up before that, and got ready to avoid the morning rush…
Did it matter…?
Did it matter, that i arrived before anyone could, and started work earlier than anyone, preparing the type of work each and every employee had to work on, make a detailed process and work sheet, set timings to check the type of work that went on, Routinely checking the prepared product, the tolerance and the proper build, and like that, staying on these tippy toes, i get the work done, Advising, checking, guiding, before i could look up it was lunch, a late one…
It was 3 in the afternoon, before i could sit and eat my lunch in peace, by then i got a call for delivery of raw material, inhaling my food i went out, and brought some helpers, and after a thorough investigation, the product was kept in the designated place, As the clock stuck 4…
Before i could go on another checking shift, i was given a task to prepare and look at the repairs of a machine, After meticulously studying and locating the err, not within our scope the maintenance staff was called in, taking up 45 minutes, as i went on to checking the final product…
Before i could come back the machine was up and running, downtime of 42 minutes, which was easy to manage and work around…
As the clock stuck 5 staff stared to leave, workday being over, some overtime staff that stayed on half an hour, by the clock stuck 5:45 the place was empty, deserted like there existed none, By 6 and checking all of the machines before leaving not leaving anyone of them on, and putting in my timestamp, i left for my home…
where I sat, just like that, thinking, did it matter, as i prepared for another day, and 4 more to come…
You’re not gonna believe that I was curled up in my bed, thinking as the clock stuck 00:00 hours, I should read something before going to sleep, (Trying to induce a habit of reading..) As I picked a book from my collection, it was either Khalil Gibran’s collection, or, it was metamorphosis by Kafka which I bought, the night before i.e. Sunday night from a roadside book seller…
Before I could even focus my eyes on the words written on the first page of metamorphosis, It felt blurry, remembering little, the character turned into bug, there was a description, how he looked at himself, who he was, looking at the picture he hung that he cut out of the magazine…
that’s all I could remember, the first page that to barely, I thought to myself, is this the same mind that read pages upon pages during its prime…?
As I put the book in its place, a wall mounted drawer, and tried to fall asleep, but, I couldn’t, I was using 3 devices simultaneously before, my phone checking the messages, getting updates from a brother who’s fighting an addiction, and doing a splendid job keeping at it, Another one, who just came back from giving a competitive exam, and has had a long day, requiring a full day’s sleep to be in working condition again, another one who opened a new office and is dying from traveling as the commute has added 3 hours which he has to steal from these 24 hours…
My laptop for penning down my thoughts and ideas, in the WordPress app, as a few ideas flew by me, one of which I explored last night, and wrote a prose in a language commonly spoken here, about a girl who is held in boundations, and isn’t welcomed by her maternal home, in a setting that is absolutely heartbreaking….
My wireless sound bar, which played one of the favorite playlists that has songs from Panjabi culture, some Hindi songs and Gazals or a collection of old poetry, which brought me immense joy, and every once in a while, a new song would pop in and I’d have to change it, and remove it from my playlist…
Surrounded by these things, I thought of a life before all of this, these devices, these apps, these screens and, it took me back to a time when we had those buttoned phones and nothing more…
I remember, getting bored of playing snake game and then going out to play with my friends in the colony we grew up in, we used to run after each other, play hide and seek, hopscotch because we had these sandstone blocks outside our home, which would make it way easier to prepare and play around, but, those memories were blemishing, maybe I forgot some of it…
We used to wake up early, watch our grandparents light an incense stick in prayer room, after then watching them read the newspaper on the rocking chair, sipping on their piping hot tea, occasionally taking a bite of biscuit or rusk that was kept right next to their cup and saucer…
I remember rushing to take a bath, after that hurriedly chomping down breakfast, it was something light like poha, or a paratha (Indian flatbread with filling), something that we all loved, after that going to school where we used to enjoy our friendship, meeting those who we liked from the bottom of our hearts, some crushes, some whom we adored, and found cute…
Our parents went to their work, father returning home late around 8 or 9, mother returning home early and preparing evening snacks for us kids, and preparing dinner for the people in the house, and finally getting back to bed, late around 11 pm or 23:00 hours…
Occasionally going out to buy sweets like jalebis, or something, never missing the night walk, staring at the starry sky and the moon, as we used to walk back home, tiredness kicking in as soon as we reached home, and falling asleep under, the rotating fan and occasional cooler blowing cold air which turned into hot after it ran out of water, and then replacing it with new water after cleaning it to remove the foul smell…
The respect that we held for our elders and the stories that we heard from their own mouth, that too very keenly, shaping our beliefs and moral compasses, without many distractions, we were able to focus better; and having a genuine relationship because of face-to-face conversations, and learning about our culture and heritage from the word of mouth, rather than having to search google or YouTube just like these…
A time to remember and cherish it was…
Cheers 🥂
Love Waakiye 🤍
Those were the good days, we keep on telling ourselves, as the generation that grew up playing outside, before the technological advancement that made our lives, Easier yet more chaos filled…
Remembering, crying to our parents to play outside, our eyes feel watery this day too, But, seeing the roads empty, break our heart shattering them into little pieces, a history of fun gone, replaced by technology…
That crying before going to school, and the tiredness that surrounded afterwords, that sleeping after coming home, or those time spent, during exam period, cramming everything into this little brain of ours…
Then pouring it all into these exam papers, but, remembering those times brings nostalgia, that keeps us from forgetting those good times…
Going out with our parents after they returned home from work, grabbing ice cream as they talked to each other, worries about our well-being, our school life, and their personal life too, remembering them talking to each other we used to feel happy, that we were blessed with such caring and worried parents,
I woke up late and I saw this prompt, and thought to myself, “Am I good at something…?”… And I stared at the rotating fan, for an hour thinking of inducing a thought…
Am I a good daughter/son to my mother…? Am I a good aunt/uncle to the kids that surround me…? Am I a good sister/brother to those who are around me…? Am I a good friend to those who call me theirs…? Am I even a good person, or people around me just tolerate me…? Am I…..?
The reality blemished when I realized that I’m ruthless, when it comes to myself , I don’t give myself a chance, I keep myself in well bound time, meticulously planning each and every moment, prioritizing time, but making none for myself…
I took up art as a kid and left it in the middle, I picked up table tennis, basketball, badminton and gave up all of them in the middle, I won’t say that I got good at them, but, just gave up before I could or I met an invisible boundary that made it impossible for me as a non-earning kid to overcome…
Before I could even grab what was happening, I was pushed into work, because I wasn’t good in anything, where I tired myself day and night, so much so, that I wouldn’t have enough time to think about anything, my liking, my interests, my own personal opinions and choices, No time to think about things that could broaden my horizon, my thought process, so I spent a couple of years just looking at things from a perspective, that a lifeless soulless being, and kept my head down… UNTIL…
Until I found this penmanship, and took it to myself to make it better, and a sole goal in my life to be good at something, something that I liked, loved, and wished to be a big part of my life, and I honed it, like my life depended on it, and kept on doing this, making little time here and there, scribbling in my notes app, or my trusted partner, pen and a notepad in which I wrote my raw thoughts and, thought on them, hours upon hours until, I felt satisfied that my thought process has evolved, but, that too didn’t feel enough…
So, That’s what I exactly did, for a few seconds, turning into minutes, those turning into hours, hours into days, days into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years…
Take a wild guess how long it has been now, that I’m writing this, and I shall correct you in the comments box….
This is something that one needs to ask themselves, no matter how or where they stand in life, Maybe they are not doing so well financially, Maybe they are not at the age where they can choose between family and their career, Maybe they need to explore themselves more before sharing them with someone else, OR, Maybe they feel like having a presence mean that their peace will be bothered, and they are not ready yet to be a part of something that world wants, pushes them to be…
There’s an extreme duality in this question if you’d believe me ;
You can ask this question, this exact same question to someone who comes from extreme poverty, and you will get two answers to this one,
One, the older generation who has been through this and feels just wants their immediate needs met, they think if they can afford food this day, or two square meals a day, because that’s how they believe it is, if they can attain food for the day, they have earned their keep, they have had it all for the day…
On the contrary, they younger generation, they won’t stop, they will use any means or methods, to achieve what they have planned, even if it means, getting home late, using any way to achieve what they want, no matter how legal or illegal…
What is that mindset that can be satisfied by achieving one goal..?
I have planned another goal after this one, and another one after that… that’s how growth happens, you just keep hitting a spot, once and keep at it again and again, until you become a master at it, the process that takes years, entire lifetime maybe, BUT, keeping at it matters…
As for me, I can never have it all, having it all means death of wishes and wants for me, but that happens when you believe that you’ve got it all,
If there’s an empty space that keeps pushing, forcing you for strive for better results, forever, that means you’ll never get tired to work hard, even if it takes a form of inspiration to be a better daughter/son, father/mother, brother/sister, or a friend too…
Its only attainable, If you believe you’ve achieved the goal first, and that too 100% of it, which is already set to max difficulty pushing you above and beyond…
Cheers 🥂
Love Waakiye 🤍
As I looked from afar, a family, a family that I call mine, hosting the birthday party, a child that was welcomed this day, a few years back, a family, a family I call mine…
As I sat in my car, waiting as the stresses of the world grabbed me by the throat, I had to leave them in my car, or, at the workplace, where I got it all from, but, this day, this day I was handed more, more than what I could handle, and almost forgot all about this, all about the birth of my own child…
As I looked from afar…
I wish I could’ve come home earlier, planned it with them, be a part of process that makes it all happen, But, something at makes it all happens, the finances that back it all, they wouldn’t have been arranged, if I were, if I came home earlier…
As I looked from afar, a family, a family that I call mine…
Have you ever looked at a topic and thought, Huh? There are many who have given up on talking to me, despite all of the efforts, made from my side to reach them out, knowing I haven’t made time for myself, in the past couple of years, Yes; Years, I’ve been running on autopilot for the past couple of years, trying to manage everything, friends, family, relations, and, Business too…
But, never in all those years I’ve got a call, I’ve got a message, never got a reminder, never got nothing to prove that they worry about my being, (not my well-being🥲) SO, would I even ask those, from whom I’m a message away, to get into a conversation again, knowing all the efforts will be made from my side, and ultimately, it will be my fault to give up or end the conversation, because I didn’t carry it…
So, My answer to this one would be, “MYSELF”…
I would like to have a conversation, with myself, because I haven’t got the time, even after all of these years, I’ve made for myself tasks that I have to do on the regular, But, those are without any reward, or any benefit for myself (at present), but, this constant pressure to achieve, to do things without any fixed goal, or something that I can count on, And that too for G0d knows how many years, and for many more to come…
I’d love to sit down with myself, and have a conversation with myself on things that bug me, worry me, and things that bring relief, and one day I will, one day….
Cheers 🥂
Love Waakiye 🤍
On a lone road, yet again, again, on the same path that goes towards a place I call home…
But, what for, what is it that I do this all for? who do I do it all for? Is there something for me to gain, Is there something for me to learn, Is there something for me to become, become someone who will be there for everyone, take fall for everyone around, but, What about…..?
What about the person who became a support system, one who is there to provide an ear, listen to all your problems, Does, do his problems even matter…?
Or, he’s better off as support, bottling it all in, taking support of things that help him cope, the cup in this hand, a lit cigarette in other, as smoke rises, just like the problems, when he’s under…..
I’ve become a fan of the prompts these days, they ask such intricate questions with such precise clear-cut words, That it feels out of this world…
The reason it is so intricate for me is because, we are often told not to brings things so close to our hearts, that if one day you were to part (G0d forbid) from them, the pain won’t ever be enough, to take your life with itself…
The adamant rule of, (Dil par nahi lagaa’na or Dil par mat lena), Don’t take it on your heart (translations), has saved me G0d knows how many times, and it will till the end of me…
But, we are only human Afterall, aren’t we? we take things to our heart, and when time comes, it takes a piece of it (our heart), with it…
Coming back to the prompt, personal belongings that I hold dear, to myself, there are many that I hold with care and utmost importance, and they have a special place for me in my heart, that make me want to continue, whenever I feel like I’m falling off, or, about to…
One of them is a very old notebook, from my school days, where all of this took birth, the essence of Waakiye, or the birth of it, I often find myself scrolling through, some of the raw emotions that I wrote, when all of this wasn’t even in my wildest dreams, but, The urge and a want to express what roamed this vast land of my mind, it was there forever, and thanks to consistency of that child, and never stopping the scribbling, he turned into a person that loves to write, even if everything is going against, out of control…
Another one, is a collection of photos, that keeps me grounded.
Reminds me of something that I did, of irreversible nature, and the type of thing that haunts me some nights, but, it gives me a proof of something that we all fear,
“THE FEAR OF DEATH ITSELF…”
that thing ended a great suffering, and a time that we don’t wish on an enemy or their family, But, we went through, endured all the sufferings, and welcomed the future with open arms, even if we were broken, shattered from within, we still lived, lived to see the next day, day after that, and we will see this day too…
To better days and, things that remind you of who you were, and what shape you shall take tomorrow, an unknown reality welcomes you…
Cheers 🥂
Love Waakiye 🤍
In the distance I saw, I saw a being, a version of self, in a place that I could have been…
Being on the support of others, not able, notable of something like a madman, who lost it, lost it all…
There wasn’t any other option, but, to stand tall, be a shadow to those who were now dependent, and be a support system for those, who still don’t believe of the happening, and yet, here we are, enduring it yet again, this day, just like yesterday, like it happened yesterday, like a film all of it plays,
First, I am really sorry for not uploading a day before, there were some things bothering that has to be taken care of, plus, I submitted two of my works to a competition, and was busy as the deadline was until last night, so most of my time was spent on writing, completing, editing something whenever I went back to check those drafts…
But, I’m back here, and this is one such place, that will be my go-to, because the freedom of expression I feel here, its unmatched, maybe because this is something that I was meant to do forever…
Coming back to the day’s prompt, “Do I have any collection…?” YES, I do have collection(s), but, most of them are stored in a haphazard way, not in a proper way whatsoever…
One of such is a collection of bottles, this started as a dream, in which I had a cabinet full of liquor bottles, from the places that I haven’t even been, but, the bottle of that region was in my cabinet, some of them were gifted, some were bought by me on a special occasion, some to remember the good times spent with those who are close to me, all in, the process of achieving a perfect collection still has a long way to go, but, it feels good to know that I have started something that I saw in my dreams with an intention of achieving a preset goal…
Other one is a collection of my writing/ideas that I jot down, they are stored in a more random way then how a child leaves his toys in the drawing room, an idea here, and while penning this one down, another one comes and takes over this mind, so, I open another tab, in my mind also in my notes app to pen that down…
These are my two collections that I own and have owned with pride (second one), but, everyone needs to have something like a normal state, Amongst all the chaos in the world right…?
Hence the word collection…
Cheers 🥂
Love Waakiye 🤍
Being a writer often feels like this, a lone road, a path that has to be traveled, and a path that has been covered…
With no such help, no such thing called assistance, all that happens, happens to you only, and you are the only sufferer, and gainer, in the process…
It often feels that you’re alone, you’re the only one who feels this way, but, in the same boat, G0d knows how many are, maybe looking for a right word, maybe a right prose, a better suiting rhyme scheme, or even a better title…
There’s gonna be someone and if you aren’t prepared for that someone, life might not throw anyone at you for a long time…
Making you realise the problem, that your growth happened at a rate slower than what it should have had…
This certain someone can be a colleague, someone you know from the neighborhood, someone who you studied with, someone who you go to the office with, or someone you saw once and they disappeared from your sight forever, but they stay in your vision, they stay on your mind…
What if you were meant to be, just the way you are right now…? (Now that’s scary…)
It might not mean that you won’t ever find that certain someone,
but,
It does mean that you will spend a chunk of life alone which you were supposed to spend with them;
All alone;
That isn’t a bad thing per se, but, the moments that you were supposed to spend together, bonding and pulling each other out of a situations that were too much for either of you…!
You had to pull yourself out of it;
and when that happens your instinct becomes that of survival, rather than it becoming of trust and once that happens it becomes extremely difficult to revert back to what it should have been…!
P.S.
Never in my right mind I’d say that your instinct should always be that of looking for help,
but,
It should be a mix of both,
sometime it should be that of fighting/pushing when the situation becomes hard to handle but when it comes to your S.o. It should be that of affection, kindness and love…!
But,
that doesn’t happen automatically,
It comes from trial and error,
You act/react and learn the right way and then it becomes the norm…!
Circling back,
When you find yourself all alone at such times,
it makes you feel no one is made for you and you aren’t made for anyone…!
And this mindset kills any hope that you have for yourself or someone else;
Making you feel bad, sometimes worse when you are rejected and when that happens one of two things are triggered;
Sadness and its loop taking you down
or
Anger and its loop transforming into rage and getting into your head…!
From an external point of view the latter is worse where a person develops a feeling to show someone their place by using force;
But,
equally is bad the first part where a person pulls themselves down making them feel worthless and after a tipping point ending it all…!
The type of fight matters,
is it with self and the feeling that come back to you like a spiral staircase…!
or,
is it with what someone said and you planned otherwise and you want that to be the final outcome…!
A thought that roams this mind so freely that it bugs me…!
Taking a day off today due to bad health…!
This fever is going to be the end of me as all of my joints hurt like I have been beaten very hard…!
